Don't ya just love love!

I am a lucky girl. Someday's  i don't appreciate my boy friend enough and i really should because he is an amazing man. For like the last week i felt we were just falling apart and that nothing was going right. But despite all of that he still hasn't given up on me and i love him for that. I know that we have been through hell and back and i bitch at him all the time but he really is an awesome guy and with all this fighting lately i can't even begin to remember the last time he really laughed until tonight. But when he did it was like i knew everything was going to be fine. It was like in that moment i knew that whatever made him fall in love with me might just still be there. Golly i sure hope it is because he is everything i could want and more (not to mention he's tall dark and hansom..really hansom). I'm sure everything's going to be okay and in the end it will all be worth the fight and struggles

Summer Fun is Drifting Away

My summer didn't go as i planned. I had a huge list of little things to before it ends. It was just a bunch of little silly things like have someone shut me up with a kiss and sleep over at someones house but i didn't get to do it so its kinda upsetting. I think that it's upsetting because when i started this summer i promised myself that my last summer as a child would  be the best one yet and now in the last couple of days i can barely manage to smile. Between my failing relationship, my grandpa being extremely sick and my big move. I just can't find the time to be happy. What doesn't help matters is that it seems like nobody cares about my problems and that nobody is trying to help me fix them. I just wish that there was one person who would listen to me cry and then help me dry my tears. But of course all i hear is why are you crying, crying gets you no where or get over it's not the worst thing in the world. Crying doesn't get you any where but who cares if i do it and it makes me feel better i don't see why you have to judge me for it, crying is one of my biggest stress relievers after i cry i don't feels so tense.  I just hope that in the next week and a half i take control of my summer and get it back i just wanna live for the moment, wake up happy and be care free because i know that moving is going to be so stressful. Not only am i moving away from my mom and younger siblings (Who i am very close with) but no my grandpas cancer has worsened i feel like i'm stuck between a  rock and a hard place on one hand i want to move and live my own life and be me but on the other hand i don't want to miss out of some of the last times i'm going to have with grandpa but i think i'm going to move because if i don't start my own adventures now i don't think i'll ever get to. I'm sure that my grandpa would want me to go and live life to the fullest so that's what i'm going to do.

Fear

Fear to be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening. Sometimes fears can be little like spiders, snakes, sharks and mice. But sometimes fears can be big like having the fear that a friend is going to pass away or having the fear that a loved one will endure a lot in the upcoming days. When your little your fears are things like monsters under the bed, bigger kids, shadows in the dark, and storms. Things that adults can help you with by scaring it away, holding you  or turning on the light. But what do you do when you're an adult and your fears have drastically changed into things that don’t have simple answers. What do you do when your fears are moving away, heartbreak, starting over in a new place and the safety of your love ones in their time of need. You must conquer your fears you can’t let them control your life. So there’s going to be sometimes in life that you're unsure what you should do or where you should go but that’s okay that’s the beauty of life never knowing what’s coming next and sometimes you’re not going to have some there to help you along your way but when you can’t lean on no one else that’s when you find yourself. Sometimes it’s just you against the world and other times it seems like you have an army of friends and family to help you fight. No matter who many or how few people help you conquer your fears always remember never let your fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

My body hates me

My body hates me. This statement is the sad truth my body really hates me after all the troubles i

have had with my knees and the muscles around it not wanting to work correctly my body has

now decided that i should have UTI’s at least once a month. In the last 3 months i have had 2

and i can tell that another one is soon to come and that really worries me. I went to the Dr.s and

they told me a list of things i can’t do no smoking, drinking, having sex or doing drugs well that’s

fine cause i don’t do any of that stuff anyways . Next they said if it happens again that it's not

something that i’m doing wrong that it’s something wrong internally. Great that just what i need to

move away from my parents so i can go to college and have serious medical problems. Of

course the hospital gave me a big long scary list of things that can happen if i don’t get better and

on the top of the list was not having children. That was one of the most depressing things i have

ever been told. I’m not even 18 yet and i might not have children. Ever since i was little i have

always wanted to be a mommy i thought it was my destiny to have children i just  figured i grow

up go to college get married and stop working so i could do the whole mommy thing and live

happily ever after. But these dreams seem like they might not happen they seem like they are

slowly becoming more and more out of my reach. If i can’t be a mommy i think that will be the

most heartbreaking thing ever. I honestly don't know what i will do if they say i can’t have kids.

Hi my name is Destiny

Some people are born with their voice from day one they know what they want and they say just that, while other people  never find theirs and they let everyone just push them around and then there's people like me who had a voice but through years of being hurt and not heard have lost there voice. Well I would like to say that i am no longer going to be that person with no voice because if you don't stand up for yourself then no one will. As of today i need to use my "words" and tell people what i want, what i need and how i feel. Now i know this isn't going to be an easy thing to do and it's going to take time but i have 28 days to get it done. There is no way that i can move to college with no voice. They will eat me alive or pressure me into becoming someone i'm not. So From now on this girl will no longer be apart of the crowd i'm going to stand up, stand out, be heard and lose my fear of rejection.

Long distance relationships will kill you

I once heard in a song " Long distance relationships will kill you " you don't know how true those words are  until you are in a LDR ( long distance relationship). A long distance relationship is so hard to understand from the outside looking in and then when you actually become a LDR couple it's even more confusing. It's like you always miss your partner and your partner is on your mind almost every second of the day, you wanna know what they are doing, what they are thinking and if your annoying them asking a ton of questions. One of the reasons it's so hard to be an LDR couple is because you see all these happy, smiling, laughing. hugging and kissing couples all the time which sucks because you can't be like those couple when your partner lives 30 mins away. Another thing that sucks about being a LDR couple is when your Skype doesn't work because that means it's going to be even longer until you get to see your partner. But even though we don't see each other and we can't cuddle or even have a normal relationship i would trade my LDR for the world my boyfriend is an amazing man. He is funny, smart, caring, kind and he tries so hard to think of new ways to keep our relationship interesting.  Sadly there have been some days that i have honestly wanted to give up and walk away from everything because i was mad or stressed but he has stayed her right beside me as the "storms" blew through and I couldn't thank him more for putting up with me and everything i go through.

Don't worry be happy :)

It's the little things in life that mean the most whether it's eating peanut butter out of the jar, spending one on one time with your dad or just watching movies life's made up of the little "silly" moments. So live it up and enjoy them never forget to do the silly little things that make you happy